Wednesday, 27 July 2011
The Grapes of Sloth
The sun came out and so did my lizard. For what seems like weeks there had been no sign of him/her. He lives either in the drainpipe or in the cracks of the stone wall. What I like about lizards is their apparent perfection. Dogs, cats, humans, foxes and most other things have some kinda limp, crooked ear, attention deficit or bad hair issues. Lizards are perfect as far as I can see. I only saw him because the neighbourhood Patio Posse came round to tell me about South facing walls and the NEED to plant south facing growing things. "OK - I'll have one of those grape bushes." I said - hoping that this obviously correctable mistake would appease them. "Vigne!" said the Chair. It was agreed. There will be a grape bush. Now the only reason I know anything about grape bushes is that a neighbour has one and big bunches are growing over onto my roof (Pinching some would be so much easier than growing them) I'm watching their progress..I don't suppose I could make any wine with it do you? When I was a kid my dad used to go to the home-brew shop in Tooting and buy tins of grape juice. This was just about as his car welding/rabbit breeding phase came to an end. We had cupboards full of "Bordeaux" and "Burgundy" which he made on top of the fridge. He started listening to records like "Beethoven's Greatest hits". He assured us all that wine improved the mind. My mother was glad when he went back to beer. There is only so much improvement that a family can take.
Let me just for a moment return to the actual purpose of this blog- Romantic fiction. I've nothing against real life but where can you get a sexy romantic handsome intelligent, poetic, muscled super lover? OK - I know we all have one but it's nice to have a slightly different one isn't it? (Oh by the way - Gilles does not read the blog!). However, I've been doing market research. Well actually Rosina's been doing it. "Could I do anything involving lesbian werewolves?" She asked on the phone. "What about supernatural bisexual sex therapists?" I retorted. "WOW - Emma - you just gotta do that - WOW, that's ahead of the market honey!" Food for thought isn't it. How about supernatural perfectly formed alien sex lizards?"
Talking of wolves - they're back in France near the German border. Wolf huggers and shepherds are readying for battle. Sheep and little rouge riding hoods are somewhere in the middle. Now, could there be a supernatural angle? Am I the next Dan Brown? Something would be brown if a pack of 'em came at me!....Now how's that for modern romance style!"
Emma thinx: Know nothing. Advice loves a vacuum.