Bargain Books. Words Are Cheap.

Who am I? What is this Amazon thing?

I have the honour to write features for a "lifestyle" magazine. Recently the editor edged me into a side room. She confided that the trouble with my writing was that I used words. What people actually wanted was more pictures. In a forced outdoor flash I knew where I had been going wrong. For too long I had been trying to walkie-talkie the ball into the net. It was a Eureka moment almost equal to yesterday when David Beckham met an Amazonian Indian who had never heard of him. Dave - chill! No one at Amazon has ever heard of me and I've been lost in their jungle for years. 

It's politics - it's our National Y Front.

Okay - here is the deal. I'm having a big push to sell some books. This blog has nothing at all to do with David Beckham. If you read this Dave, get in touch for free copies of all my books. We Londoners need to stick together. After all, I've always cheered every swerve of your balls.

My own missions along the Amazon have brought little success. These days I have branched out onto all manner of tributaries. It's great to see that Dave is getting away from football and doing the same thing.

99c/77p/€0,94 for sexy romance novel SHANNON'S LAW this week only...

Amazon worldwide

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Excerpt: http://www.bit.do/Shannons-Law

Emma Thinx: A word is worth a thousand pictures. It's your mind.

Copy Of Shannon's Law Found On Moon

Huston - We have a novel.

The  accent was clearly American, the tone serious. It was 3.26am London time. Not even Sky Media Sales cold call in the night.                                                                                        

"Ma'am - This is NASA Huston. We've just recovered a digital cookbook and a copy of your latest novel from the surface of the moon."
"Wow! Thanks," I replied, "Is it damaged? The paper quality is quite good."
"Was that one of your ironic English jokes Ma'am?"
"I'm not sure. Generally I make do with whimsy and sarcasm until at least midday," I said.
"Do you have any idea how it got there?" asked the voice.
"I sent a copy to Elvis. He's a big star in the book. I guess he didn't want it and decided to return it to sender," I said.
The line went dead. I knew not to try a lame joke so early.  I sighed. Another copy returned without a review!

Between you and me, none of that happened. The purpose of this blog is to find out something about the way blogs now operate. These days I get thousands of blog views. My biggest ever title about bird watching contained the word "Tits." Until recently nothing I posted on here got anything like the same number of views as my "Tits". Then recently I posted a feature about video gaming. Suddenly my "Tits" drooped to a poor second. Up to a thousand hits a day can land on my feature "Blinkers And Nosebags." But why? None of them spam me with undergarment ads or suggestions that I buy their books, visit their blogs, have myself surgically enhanced, help distressed cats etc. 

Since I got into publishing I've lost count of the gurus I've followed into dark cash sucking caves. The deeper you get into Holetruth mountain, the weaker gets the guiding flame. In the darkness I turn and head back out. I guess there's a great guru recycling plant somewhere. Do they cross pollinate or form sterile mules? The wisdom used to be that blog views would enhance sales. My experience is that they do not. These days most of my sales are copies I buy myself and send to celebrities in outer space. I just wanna know why thousands of folk look at this stuff! If I knew that I could tele-sales or doorstep them to sell my books. Let's see if Elvis, the moon, Marc Bolan,NASA and the Queen of England get me some views or sales.

Happy Birthday Your Majesty

Oh yes - it's the Queen's 88th birthday. Many of her family are in my lunar landing book Shannon's Law. I'm thinking of sending her a copy.






Emma thinx: The greatest deception is that the truth can ever be whole.

Sex Discrimination Scandal. Free Books For Sisters

Get yourself tooled up for love

Shannon's Law has been out there a week. It's doing OK but something very weird is happening. At least half the readers are men. Are they picking it up because it is sub-categorized in crime? Have the guys always been would-be  romance readers and the e reader allows them to indulge?

I started some research yesterday. Firstly I made contact with Woman's Hour, a BBC Radio 4 programme for persons of the XX rated chromosome tendency. I've asked them if they know about this phenomenon. Their machine replied saying  they probably wouldn't answer. 

Secondly I went to Walmart and loitered about near the hot romance display to see if I could spot any hairy hunks snapping up copies of "The Billionaire's Virgin Underpants". Not a sausage. By the way - what ever happened to Millionaires? I'm not looking but if I were free anything above five hundred million does add at least six inches  to a man. Even a couple of million enhances the eyes and the general charisma.

Thirdly I am looking for any insights from my readers. Does your man rummage in your Kindle while you are at work? Do the guys sit around with their beers before the boxing on TV chatting about Harlequin's latest hero?

If you're an XY Chromosapien, do you have a Sheikh's Marriage Ultimatum hidden in your toolbox?

The problem of course is that in the old days publishers loved to keep us all classified by genre. Any old cow looking over the fence into another field was soon segregated by the gate keeper. It was always something of a myth. Brothers are doing it for themselves. I do love them for it you know. 

In the pursuit of my research here is an unbeatable offer. If you are a woman romance reader and would like to balance up my reviews here is a link to get you a free copy of Shannon's Law during the next two weeks. Yes Really! If you do a review I'll love you for ever and send you a free copy of Cop's Kitchen as well. Come on sisters, don't let them grab our stuff. They can play with their own tools. If things like cars are a bit of a mystery, all the pictures of things in the book are on my pinterest board. 

Ladies register here for your free review copy 


Emma Thinx: Stick to what you don't know. 

Should A Girl Spice It Up?

Shannon's Law is out there. The critics are chewing it over. They seem happy. Some love the sex. Others think there is too much of it. In a way so do I....but I'm not Shannon - a hot blooded girl who has not indulged for a long time. Talking about such a person openly calls for a certain amount of, well, openness. There is no doubt that a lot of interaction between people expresses itself in their sexuality. Why would a writer hold back from a reader what that character did sexually while detailing every other aspect of the story? The answer possibly is to avoid making it seem like a "sex" book that would not succeed without the clinches. I mean, Jane Austen didn't need that stuff. There weren't over two and a half million competitors on Kindle in her day (74,000 new titles last month). OK - maybe sex no longer sells? Maybe a true literopathic practitioner wouldn't take this route. (Yes, Literopathy exists).

About a year ago I learned a sad life lesson by way of this blog. I had been editing an audio book in my day job with Gallo-Romano Media. The story was a period romp filled with bawdy double entendres. As an illustrative joke I put out a post entitled "Are my tits out of proportion to my hole?" In fact it was a feature about my frustration at failing to attract birds to my nesting box. I went on to make some remarks about this old fashioned form of blunt humour.

The first thing that happened was that "friends" disowned me. In some literary circles I was reviled as a filth stained trollop. I felt like the ugly duckling and hid away. Some folk were so disgusted they have not spoken to me since. I thought that was the big lesson to learn. As usual, I was wrong.

Blogs have lost a lot of their penetration in my view. All the same in the clamour for attention and an ever bigger paddle on the Amazon, total views are significant. In my years of blogging I have battered folk with every form of discourse, some of it with photos. I have blurbed and spammed my readers into fixed smile comas. The fact is that the fascinating feature on the great-tits in my bird box has received four times the views of any other topic. All sorts of networks have picked it up. Every day ornithologists from all around the world flock to my site. A few of these viewers may be interested in low matters of the female flesh. Surely not!

There's a lesson here somewhere. In Shannon's Law there is hard crime, cars, motorcycles, cricket, romance, social comedy and SEX. If only I'd nailed up a bird-box somewhere.


Stop Press: While the novel does its caterpillar imitation up the sales slope, the companion cookbook, 'Cop's Kitchen' has streaked to number one in it's category on Amazon. The idea was that if you bought the novel and reviewed it you got a cookbook. OK guys - My next novel will come free with my aphrodisiac cookbook. It will include a bird watcher's recipe for frontal area of poultry.

Emma Thinx. You gotta tuck it in before you can let it hang out. 

The Queen Of Hearts, She Made Some Tarts

Queen Tea. She's a Yorkshire Lass who loves a proper brew. Bloxington Manor in the background.

Well - we launched it. The queen smashed the champagne on the bow and she slid away. So far Shannon's Law floats on a sea of good reviews. (More please). Soon, I just know, someone will buy a copy. It has to happen.

Mug shot

Thanks so much to all the lovely folk who dropped by. I had tremendous fun making and photographing the scones, buns and sandwiches. I had even more fun chatting about the male hunks who could have displayed on the cover of Shannon's Law. One day all these guys are gonna rise up and tell us they're not merely sex objects. My man tells me he's happy to be seen as a sex subject provided I'm prepared to cooperate on the other side of a transitive verb. I think that means he still desires me. I've got a fab editor (Anneli Purchase) who does the hardcore grammar stuff.

Sex Subject.

I asked for your cakes and boy - take a look at these. This is a library! Thanks to Sharon Goodwin of Fiction Addiction Book Tours for sending me her treat. My lovely friend Petra Rovere let me into her poppy seed sensation secrets. What troubles me is that Petra is in Slovenia and knows more English than me. 

Try making an e book to taste better.

Thanks also to Claude Nougat (novelist, linguist, poet, artist, economist, philosopher) for popping in with her 'vite et bon' sponge. How does she get time to cook?

With Poppies from Petra.

Claude's Vite et Bon gateau. 

The whole theme of course was good old fashioned English tea. In the novel, Shannon takes tea with the Earl Spencer as she begins to enter his private world of aristocracy and tradition. He is a troubled and reserved man. Once upon a time he sang Elvis songs and played saxophone. A new sun has come to thaw his blue blood. And yes - it's a warm red after all.

Whatever the fate of my book I've had a lovely time with the launch. I've made contact with folk - critics, writers, editors and readers who have helped me all the way. I've also had contact with the guys who produce Yorkshire Gold tea. This is not a commercial placement. I adore their tea. It is my day time fuel. OK - after five o' clock maybe I can slip in the odd vin rouge, or two...... Just like Shannon in my book. 

I went to Bloxington Manor to do some publicity shots. Above is a little link to my tea by the lake.

And that's a wrap. Shannon's Law has been a year of my life. I write by hand and it's a four times edit before it goes to my editor. OK - I know, it needs another edit! Too late, there's another passion patrol keel on the slipway.

Emma Thinx: Life is a perfect rising cake -  that sticks. 

Shannon's Law Book Launch Party

It's launch day. Shannon's Law is now an item of public discourse. It's the ball in a touchdown or the cake in a boulanger's window. The story is of a genteel English lord and a wild child street cop from the de-railed side of the urban tracks. Things start to get cosy when he invites her for tea. He serves sophisticated Earl Grey. She needs a full on proper brew from Yorkshire Gold. She loves his class. He adores her rich satisfying flavour. You kinda get that tingle that it'll be tea for two in bed some time soon. She's a strong willed woman. Guess what strength he gives her. 

How else to launch such a steamy tale but with a tea party. There's gonna be prizes. There's gonna be music and for sure there's gonna be tea and cakes. 

On the subject of cakes, I need your recipes. If we get enough, my own publisher - Gallo-Romano Media, will bring out a digital cookbook. All contributors will be credited. The proceeds will all go to the charity the Trussell Trust which organises food banks for needy folk. It is a non denominational Christian organisation which I respect although I have no personal religious faith. So dig out those donuts, roll out those roulades and bung me your buns.

The launch party begins on Facebook at 4pm London time (8am PST, 10am CST,11am EST.) It's on for four hours and coffee is available throughout too. 

If you can't make the party there's prizes to be had here. The draw is on the 7th March so everyone can have a go.
a Rafflecopter giveaway


Emma Thinx: You can't have your cake and eat it. Always bake a spare.

What Links Shirley Bassey, Marilyn Monroe And The Beatles?

Now that's what a girl calls a bunch of carats

Nearly there now. It's coming up to 6pm on 27th February 2014 as I pin one of the last items on my Pinterest reveal tour. In six hours Shannon's Law will be out there. There's no news of queues anywhere. I'm grateful to chicklitpad for hosting my feature today. The subject is a fabulous necklace. It dates from the 1920's and is a mix of white and rose diamonds. Nothing too flash then! It's the sort of thing an earl might give to a countess. But why?And what could such an item stand for?

The word diamond unites so many themes and artists. At first rummage in my grey cells tips out Shirley Bassey singing "Diamonds Are Forever", Marilyn Monroe singing "Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend" and the Beatles singing "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds". 

There's plenty of gems in Shannon's Law and they won't cost the earth.

Emma thinx: Love mines diamonds in a heart of stone.

Shannon In Venice With Tiepolo

To Infinity and beyond. 

There was an old song "It's almost tomorrow". My father was a bit of a dancer and he used to waltz around to this song playing on the record player with me standing on his feet. And YES!!! It is almost tomorrow. The great ship Shannon stands on the slipway. Workmen are greasing the rails. The seagulls hold their breath. The Queen is choosing a frock....

My Pinterest reveal tour is nearly over. Today I'm grateful to harliesbooks for hosting my feature on painted ceilings. When Shannon gets to Venice she looks up at the ceiling of a fabulous palazzo on the Grand Canal. The art was painted by the famous Venetian painter, Tiepolo. I have tried to make all the settings of the book "real". Let's just say that fact is blended with fiction. The actual painting shown in the photo is from the throne room of the Royal Palace in Madrid. Maybe Tiepolo did an earlier study in Venice or maybe he didn't.....If he did it's in the Palazzo Coccolare. The only access is via Shannon's Law.

Emma thinx: Fiction exists and that's a fact.

Hatching A Plot

Dodgy focus from ultra long range. Fly my little ones.......

Only one whole day to go. Then Shannon's Law and Cop's Kitchen will be out there all alone. Slings and arrows of outrageous fortune will be released. 

There is another world away from books and the market place. Sometimes one is so close to one's own affairs that the beauty and continuance of this life and time seem no more than scenery. Deep down we know the depth of our human shallowness. We are helpless creatures, vainly bigging ourselves up to confront a universe that does no more than shrug. 

There is a blackbird nest in my hedge. It contains three miracles of beauty. Such eggs existed before there were words for yolk or albumen - or for that matter, any concept of love, vocabulary, gods or even Amazon.com. Nature will probably waste them all and the mother will lay again and again. The stronger ones will dominate the weaker. In fact, it's not that different from incubating a novel. 

Emma thinx: And the last will study the faces of winners. And the winners will see merely a crowd. There are no victories.

Shannon's Juicy Little Devils

Juicy little devils

As the big day approaches there are only a few remaining items to add to my  Pinterest board. Today I'm appearing on the blog annelisplace. She's a fantastic editor I can recommend to any of you scribes out there. Also if you like those impossible photos you see in National Geographic  Magazine, check out her stuff here.

One of my lusts is food. I deal with this both in the text of the novel Shannon's Law and in the accompanying cookbook Cop's Kitchen. The feature today is about an hors d'oeuvre item served after a cricket match played at the stately home, Bloxington Manor. It's a really exotic flavour and also a bit of a glistening feast for the eyes. Shannon had never encountered such fancy offerings, but she was never shy about trying something new. 

Emma Thinx: The second bite is with your imagination.

1066 And All That

Coat of Arms for William the Conqueror.

Today the Pinterest reveal tour deals with the character Jasmine de Montfort. My thanks to Kim the Bookworm for hosting me. Jasmine is from an aristocratic family. She believes that a special type of person is bred to command the subservient social classes. That type of person is her. The subservient classes are everyone else. 

She was born to be a mortal enemy of Shannon. Right from the start there is a high tension risk of shocks. They are a match for each other. Even I don't know if there will ever be a winner. As I finished the book I kinda felt they'd be slugging it out even if I was no longer writing up the bout. 

Jasmine de Montfort acts as an indicator of social differences in England. She also provides an off handed humour and gets to join in some of the sharpest dialogue in the book. She tells everyone that her family arrived in 1066 with William the Conqueror. I'm sure her descendants will be firing out commands for at least another thousand years. 

Emma thinx:  You can't command a genuine smile

Venice, The City Lover's City Of Love

Stone to lighten any lover's heart

You can't do a tour of anything in this world without taking in Venice. My Pinterest reveal today is of that magical place. I'm grateful to Patricia Sands for hosting me today.In Shannon's Law a pivotal moment of the book unfolds out of the blue. A character comments that after Venice or Love, nothing is ever the same.Shannon has to cope with both at once.

So much has been said of Venice that I've always felt that a little scribbler like me can add nothing. In the full feature I tried by saying Venice is a city of love because, like love, it is very unlikely, impossibly fragile and impossibly strong. Many never find true love. I had to wait for the last third of my life to know it. I did not expect its weight  to float on the mud of life. I expected storms and floods to sweep it away. They might yet do so and indeed mortality will shuffle me off into the lagoon. To me, this is the essence of Venice. It rises above the impossible to proclaim beauty and passion. Like love it knows no common sense.

All the rest is photos and farfalle. 

Emma Thinx: Often you need mud to float a dream.

Shannon At Scotland Yard

Shannon Aguerri on her way to see the boss

Only a week to go! Only a few more items for my Pinterest reveal tour.  Thankfully I'm not an actress or singer who has to face the public everyday. Just to think in  seven days millions and millions of potential critics will be reading my book........ Perhaps I could perform as a stand up comedienne. Or a street cop?  
Today I'm on the site of cluereview featuring the actual heroine of Shannon's Law, Shannon Aguerri. 

Born on a tough south London estate with a West Indian father and an Irish mother she had to fight just to stay afloat. She has a big heart but doesn't do sentimentality. She likes her cup of tea and her man to be strong with a generous portion of sugar. Her wit is as sharp as the knives she has faced. Cross her and you've got an ice cool enemy. If she loves you - watch out for the heat.

I was very lucky to have a beautiful and patient model for my cover photo. Readers will draw their own picture of her. There's a look of daring in her eye that captures her character for me.

Emma Thinx: Who dares slims.

Elvis - The King

When you're this big a crown is just a silly hat

My Pinterest reveal today is one of the most famous persons ever to have lived. It is estimated that there are 35,000 impersonators of this man in the USA and maybe up to 85,000 in the world. He is the ninth most known man according
towhoismorefamous.com. Ladies and Gentlemen, for those who believe, Elvis has never left the building. 

A true fan and music writer Mandy Baggot has hosted my post today. The great man plays a big part in Shannon's Law. I can't give away too much of the story. He has to rely on others to provide physical manifestations of his presence. This does not mean that the King is not still here. Wherever there is a blue suede shoe there is a footprint. Wherever there is a heartbreak hotel there is a tear stained sheet bearing his scent. Wherever some helpless human can't help falling love there is a man in a white suit who understands. If you believe like me you should read my book and feel the presence of the great man.

While researching the book I splashed out on a new Elvis DVD to help me soak myself in the flavour. It is a show to commemorate the 25 years since his death. Footage of Elvis is mixed with his old backing musicians playing live. It's very skilfully done and you can catch it here. 

Writing books allows me many forms of self indulgence. It was a joy to include Elvis. Somehow he arrived on Earth and brought his own era with him. He was a fabulous performer who brought a charisma and a belief that will never fade. 


Emma Thinx: When you're OTT, you're feeling the real thing.

French Letters

In the heat of battle, she was his hottest thought. 

Today I'm revealing Josephine, Empress of France on my  Pinterest board. I'm grateful to the site Queen of the Night Reviews for hosting me. In Shannon's Law, our heroine seems to walk in the footsteps of this famous femme fatale. 

For sure she was something of a handful even for  an emperor. My impression is that she was the boss in their relationship. In my story Shannon certainly sets the tone and her earl is happy to follow. My full feature is here. The picture above is a copy of a book of Napoleon's letters to Josephine. This book was given to me by the poet Oscar Sparrow at the beginning of our relationship. He'd bought it from one of those booksellers by the Seine in Paris. Loitering in Paris is his favourite occupation. Poets don't do deadlines and book launches. They die and get discovered.

Emma Thinx:   Dip Cupid's arrow in ink. 

Let Them Eat Cake Soaked In Wine

A little sherry Cheri?

The Pinterest reveal goes on with the exposure of that wonderful dish of sherry trifle from Cop's Kitchen. I'm grateful to the site Sharing Links and Wisdom for hosting me.

Purely by chance I prepared this very dessert from Shannon's Law last night for some French friends. All the plates were clean at the end. The Brits keep groaning about Europe and threatening to leave. At least a little slice of England will remain if we do pull out.

Emma Thinx:  Je t'aime mon Sherry.

Shannon Climbs to Ecstasy On Purgatory Hill

There's no let up now in that Pinterest reveal countdown to the launch of Shannon's Law. My host today is Cometbabesbooks who has the subject of Shannon's taste in music. She's a fit girl who trains hard on her mountain bike. On her headphones she listens to Purgatory Hill. The cigar box guitar sound is just so raw and exciting. I could throw a lot of words at but it's best to click the link and give yourself a treat. 

Emma Thinx: You gotta dig deep for the purest dirt.

Meaty And Hot From The Cop's Kitchen

If you've got it - flaunt it! Power nosh for sexy cops. Just add HP sauce and chips

The Pinterest reveal today is that fine English dish of Sausage Toad. I'm grateful to Lisa Haselton for hosting me today. The full feature and the recipe from Cop's Kitchen is here.

The life of a cooking novelist calls for a complete re-think of kitchen design. What I need is a hob with a built in wipe off keyboard. I could be boiling my beans and pouring out some passion at the same time. I'll be cooking up a dish from Shannon's Law tomorrow for some French guests. I'll let you know how it goes.

Emma Thinx; Michelin chefs never tire or deflate.

On the Horns of an Emma.

How now brown cow?

It's back to the pre launch Pinterest reveal tour today. I'm grateful to crooksonbooks for hosting my feature on the animals in Shannon's Law. When researching the story at an early stage I went to Bloxington Manor (in real life Avington Park) to get a feel for the place. As I relaxed looking at the view a snort behind me made me turn suddenly. There were the beasts. Being a city girl I've had little experience of prehistoric creatures. I'd read enough Thomas Hardy as a kid to have ruled out milk maid as a career. My first thought was woolly mammoth but Oscar pointed out the absence of a trunk. 

All assurances that they only eat grass were wasted. I was so moved by the incident that I wrote a bestial encounter into the story. Shannon is a big brave cop but even she was scared . Many of my characters are very like me.

Emma Thinx: You can't make love or war without the beast within

Winter Postcard From Saint Savinien Sur Charente

Thank you, thank you - I am alive and I can see.

I'm home in France. My dear dear Charente Maritime - I love you. You are always here waiting for me. The neighbours kiss me. Your beauty washes down through stone into river and sky. I am so lucky in my life to be here with eyes to see and a mind to abandon to you. Truly I am in awe of this place. It is a watercolour picture of the heart with a smile of church bells.

Winter sun , your fine pen of stark beauty draws a summer in my heart

To infinity and beyond those French films of avenues and kisses.

I am pausing today from the ding dong of Shannon's Law and  blog tours. I took my camera for a walk to try to fix the atmospheric light of this winter's day. Spring is nibbling at the edges now.The bare trees still expose that truth of  Nature's skeleton. As any of my readers will know, I never hold back in talking openly about love and its worldly hit-man, sex. In a way, Winter is the truth of enduring love. It is the true uncompromising hardcore when all the dressing up, tease, promise and make-up is done.  If I'm being OTT Emma let me know. Here are a few shots I wanted to share.

Beauty on this scale is emotional. I'm not one of those posh Wordsworth guys who can express the intellectual power of Nature's beauty. Even so, I'm a human bean planted in this soil to grow.

Emma thinx:  Life grows. You are life. Life is you.