Thursday, 1 March 2012

Hacking Coughs

OK - I'm a News junkie. At lunch time I watched the BBC NEWS. For an hour I followed a story that James Murdoch had resigned from News International. There was a 40 second interruption to tell me that North Korea had appeared to modify their approach to nuclear annihilation of  Earth. Thank goodness they did not linger on that limp little column filler. 

I was first in the queue on Sunday morning to buy the new disgusting filth soaked pack of lies, scandal and gossip that the Murdochs have launched to replace the degraded, vile, sex obsessed and delicious News of the World. To me it was a bit disappointing to be honest. I wanted a story of top toff politicians in frilly ladies' panties  being whipped by pouting sexy Russian spies in an exclusive underworld vice den. I wanted the dark soil of alliterative  adjectives raked open. The new Sun was a bit PC and non confrontational. It was like an anger management course for boxers. (Yes comrades - this is the latest wheeze of the world controllers. A British boxer, Dereck Chisora, has been ordered to seek anger management counselling after a punch up with another pugilist.)

Now - I am no Murdoch fan. He is a Union breaker and a tyrant. Normally I would have no sympathy but here is the truth of it all. Murdoch got in amongst the toffs and the self seekers at the top. They took his cash. They courted his affection. They were elected on his say so. They chortled and bloated at his overflowing table - glad to see lesser nobles, commoners and opponents beaten with shitty sticks. Then - the baron forgot who was king. He attacked other barons - not realizing that he was NOT actually himself in the club. He is a foreigner and a bruiser. You can guffaw and chortle inside the club but you cannot attack the club. Sadly, in the UK, affairs of the boudoir are in the public interest and light fell on several erect parliamentary members. 

Now sensational News! Newspapers have been paying police and officials for juicy inside information!!! Journalists and cops intermingle, drink and chat together! CLAMOROSO as they say in Italia - although these days they can only afford lower case to save ink. Surely the sweet innocent public are astounded by such notions. Even worse, the hapless  ex-editor Rebekah Brooks was given a retired police horse to look after. Can civilization withstand any more immorality on this scale? Such a tale of kindness to animals has elevated her in the opinion polls above every single politician in the land. 

I'm no fan of Murdoch or News Corp. All the same I'll tell you who was afraid of the News of The World. It was the drug dealers, the child pornsters, the hypocrites who would control you, the pimps, the corrupt sports stars, the arms dealers and the perfumed icons who rolled in filth.  I loved the News of the World and I doubt it will ever be replaced. 

No one needs me to tell them that this a grubby old world. While we are waiting for the broom to sweep it clean let's keep the lights on and shining in the corners. When you live in shit, light may have to pass through a sewer to reach you. 

Emma thinx: Scandal - the tabloid word for desire.


  1. All I can say is that I am very glad I was not taking that swig of coffee from the cup perched at my lips as I read your first paragraph. I would have spewed it all over the keyboard. Thanks for a grand laugh and your wisdom.

  2. When I want pure entertainment, I come here. You should have a syndicated column in the big newspapers, Emma! The whole world would be at your feet!! Such a delight to read!

  3. It is nice to know your priorities are as misplaced as ours.

  4. A superb 'article' Emma worthy of publishing in every newspaper, broadsheet or tabloid. I couldn't agree more with your summation of the situation in the world, because sadly it is not just the UK but all decadent western countries.
    ps I'm not a communist but rather a 'disgruntled liberal.

  5. I'm a disgruntled liberal too and really enjoyed the post! Though, honestly, I do disapprove of paymentsto the police and of hacking...The paparazzi (and we've got a lot here in Italy) are simply ghastly - make life unlivable for the celebrities (they probably deserve it) but it gets bad when life is made horrible even for those who are not really celebrities but happened by mischance in the news...

    This said, you excellent piece reminds us that there's always a silver lining to even the worst, ugliest news: that is, the possibility to laugh and have fun. Nothing is more fun than nasty gossip: Le Canard Enchainé in France literally lives on it! I bet you read that with glee, don't you?

  6. Certainly Le Canard and Private Eye. The best Private Eye tales used to come from News of the Screws hacks. Freedom is of course a balance of imperfections. The paps feed our obsession with celebrity. Hacking is most reprehensible but is merely electronic keyhole peering and bin spinning. The whole hacking tale is nothing compared to what Google et al know of you. The old analogue phones could be compromised with scanners bought in Dixons. Police radio used to be on VHF and was de rigeur for newshounds. In the digital age they hack what was more easily available 20 years ago. Cops and hacks befriended butlers and house maids to check out the masters. We really should not be surprised. Seeing celebs picking up multi thousands for their suffering I could find a few folk only too pleased to be hacked for a sum greater than their wage in several lifetimes. Yes - there are real innocent victims. If only I could be one! Thanks for stopping by all you guys.


Thanks so much for stopping by. Always so happy to get your feedback. Emma x