Tuesday 7 August 2012

The Fatkins Diet

Titanic cheese about to strike apple-berg
Ok - I'm a bit of a mug sometimes. I do so want to be nice and kind to everyone....(Well, let's leave my ex husband's mother out of this. Actually, once I found I could sweeten her up by sitting her down with a lemon to suck we got on quite well). 

I went to La Foire Aux Vins in my home of Saint Savien. This is a kind of wine tasting hard-sell for people who know far more about wine than me. In addition to wine, there is cheese. Yes Gromit; cheese! Now everyone knows about cheese don't they. It is that slimming product famous for being the perfect companion to Cognac or a glass of heart saving vin rouge. 

So lovely I could cry....and I do!
O! live live live
The wonderful peasant Fromagesse (don't worry, I made it up) behind the stall counter placed her revolutionary French guillotine  tool on a block of cheese which looked like it had once been the corner stone of the Roman Empire. First she indicated a possible chunk of about the size of Scotland, but I realised that the Romans had been so terrified of their untethered skirt covered ginger genitals, they actually built a wall to keep them out. 

Little by little she placed her blade on smaller and smaller chunks until it was about the size of The Titanic. I nodded agreement, feeling so mean and unkind that I only wanted such a small sliver. She reminded me that this was genuine cheese made from the milk of magical mountain top cows who would only release the gold of their udders for re-sale to a woman of the finest beauty and taste. Hmm - lucky I showed up! 

I plucked up courage to ask what it was. She drew a deep breath and uttered the magic word "Cantal" and I recoiled in puzzlement, handed over 30 Euros and staggered on clutching my brick of magical mountain cholesterol. Luckily I was able to purchase a decent brandy to accompany it so that the alcohol will wipe out any ill effects. To balance the whole matter I bought a selection of goat, donkey and wild boar sausage. I'm gonna call it the Fatkins diet.
Village des fleurs et du ciel, Utter utter JOY!

Seriously though, my fellow bon viveurs, France is the place for flavour and savour. To convince you of the absolute need you have in your life to come to Saint Savinien Sur Charente I'm posting a few photos today to show you what you are missing. Bon Apetit mes amis.
Old goats still make a stiff sausage

Before I go I must share with you a complaint about the standard of modern spelling and grammar. A fine upstanding gentleman has taken the trouble to ask me on Facebook if I wish to see his very large Denis. Seemingly my new profile picture has interested him enough to dub me as "Senior but Sexy". He is obviously a very inexperienced young man because ladies of my age know only too well that senior IS sexy. I'm sure that given time, his friend Denis will develop enough shades of grey to play in the senior leagues.

Emma thinx: Take the die out of diet and it's time for tea.


  1. Oh my gosh this had me laughing. Cheese the size of Scotland... Heart attack land for sure. Or at least constipation.

    And those pictures made me want to leap right into them. Just gorgeous. Thanks for sharing them.

  2. Is the rate of heart attacks in France lower than in the U.S. where someone is poking me for blood every ten minutes and screaming about my cholesterol? Damn! I'd kill for a piece of that. I think I'll kill the next twit who takes blood and sell his body parts for passage to the land of decent cheese.

  3. If cheese is part of the diet, then I will partake. I'm convinced that when the Good Lord sent manna from heaven, most of it was dipped in cheese.

  4. Cheese, ah, le fromage, il formaggio! Love it, Brie, Camembert, Pont l'Evèque and all the other 500 kinds of cheese they have in France! What a lovely (and hilarious!) evocation of one of life's greatest pleasures, wine and cheese, formaggio e vino, thanks Emma!
    Sorry if Italian keeps intruding in my comment, but here too the cheese is fab: Parmigiano, Gorgonzola, Provolone, Mozzarella di Buffala, Ricotta, Taleggio, Robiola, cacciotta etc etc, enough to die from a cholesterol overdose, but with an (eternal) smile!
    PS. Love your pictures...

  5. It's not too fattening if you eat it on it's own - no bread or fruit with it. You also tend to eat less as it's a bit like having cream on its own! Life is too short to be constantly worrying - everything in moderation (wine might be a little different as long as we are talking glasses and not bottles). If you were run down tomorrow, on your way to heaven I bet you'd be thinking 'damn, wish I'd eaten that cheese...' - see what I mean?

  6. And here I sit, on the other side of the pond, dining on the freshly microwaved frozen pot pie I brought for lunch. So was the cheese as magical as it was made out to be or did your cholesterol levels spike for nothing?

  7. Freshly microwaved frozen pot pie... Ken. If Emma's French friends hear you, maybe they'll invite you over out of kindness.

  8. Well, cheese the size of Scotland (which is actually much bigger than people think) sounds great because I love cheese (and I love Scotland). Living well is nothing to be ashamed of and in my experience the French know just how to excel and good food and wine. Now I want to come to France and drink wine and cognac and eat cheese - do you think you have some to share?

  9. Very nice article, just what I was looking for.



Thanks so much for stopping by. Always so happy to get your feedback. Emma x